Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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