wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
