Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
