im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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