i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
