I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
