I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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