i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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