I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
