His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize