This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
