Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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