non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
