and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
