Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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