Christians are straight up FREAKS
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
