it wasn't lemon gatorade
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
