New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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