Ambien. No doubt about it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
