does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
