i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
