marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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