mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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