Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
