Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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