I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
