There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
