been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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