So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
