do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
