Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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