They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
