I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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