If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
