White coat. Heels.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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