I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
whose parrot is this?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
where are my eyebrows?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
