First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
