Rock
Scissors
Fuck
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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