Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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