I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
birth control should be required to get into college
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
