Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
