Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
