Sponge bath it is.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
