I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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