I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
