I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
