remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just google imaged poop.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
