On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize