I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
