a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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