We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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