he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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