And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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