Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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