its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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