I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
