I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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