I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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