and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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