Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
