after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
