alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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