yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
