He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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