Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
