Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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