I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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