chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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