she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
